


Assigned Valentine

by BlanketFortAvenger



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Complete, Fanboy Rhys (Borderlands), Fluff, Gift Giving, Jack-Centric, M/M, Mentions of canon-typical violence, No Smut, Not Beta Read, Pre-Slash, Secret Admirer, Secret Santa, Short & Sweet, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29447139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlanketFortAvenger/pseuds/BlanketFortAvenger
Summary: Valentine's Day can be brutal to fragile hearts and multi-million dollar corporations alike. Hyperion's solution is a simple one. No one's heart can be broken if valentines are randomly assigned, and entirely secret.Jack hadn't realised that he'd been included in Hyperion's mandatory Valentine's Gift Exchange. He certainly hadn't expected to enjoy it.
Relationships: Handsome Jack/Rhys (Borderlands)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 77





	Assigned Valentine

**Author's Note:**

> Jack's characterization is a little different than I usually write, but I wanted fluff, soft Jack, and to have nice things. Please enjoy.

Contrary to logical assumption, the festive season is one of Hyperion’s best. Sales are sky scraping, and despite still having to work, employees tend to spend the spirited months on a merry high. Unfortunately, every high ends with withdrawal and painful sobriety. That hellish sobering of Hyperion, is February.

It’s currently early February and productivity on Helios has already dipped by thirty percent. Jack knows that they have still yet to see their worst numbers. Every year, Hyperion regains consciousness only to acknowledge it’s raging hangover, and hurl itself into the toilet. In a single day, productivity crashes another twelve percent, and human error increases by six percent for a full two weeks.

That day is February 14th.

“Valentine’s day,” suggests a brave, runt of a nerd from statistics. “Not everyone celebrates it, but it can be an… emotional time”.

“Valentine’s… Is that the one where everyone dresses like slutty versions of me, and gets wasted?”

“No, sir”. The nerd adjusts his glasses, and Jack can see that he’s skimming through more data as he speaks. Jack is a little insulted that he doesn’t have the man’s full attention, but he acknowledges the preparedness.

“Valentine’s is used as a day for romantic couples to show their affection. It is a hotspot for rejection and disappointment, which often leads to intoxication. Lovestruck employees are more prone to distraction and time-wasting. I have a working theory that it’s also responsible for the rise in maternity leave that is requested each year in October”.

Jack hums impressed that a single day could wreak so much havoc on his company.

“So, cancel it”. Jack is ready to move on, not interested in discussing anything more about affection or monogamy.

“If I may, sir”. The man continues when Jack leaves a silence for him that isn’t triggered by a gunshot. “I believe it’s in Hyperion’s best interest to take advantage of the holiday, and I would like to propose a solution that could increase the general morale of the company, thereby increasing productivity”.

Jack wasn’t one to believe in hangover cures, but he did sincerely swear by the hair of the skag. If this nerd thought he could revive the dead through a gimmick holiday, Jack was inclined to let him try.

“Ok, send me the projections, and I’ll look it over”.

Two days later, Hyperion releases its Valentine’s Day Policy.

  1. No unauthorised interactions of sexual or romantic intent are permitted on February 14th.
  2. Secret Admirers are not to reveal the name of their Hyperion Assigned Valentine.
  3. Secret Admirers are not to reveal themselves to their Hyperion Assigned Valentine.
  4. Valentines gifts are to be chosen from the list of pre-approved Hyperion products.
  5. Valentine gifts are not to be used to conceal, disguise, or facilitate assault or homicide.
  6. Unsolicited images of genitalia are permitted, under the condition that they do not reveal the identity of the Secret Admirer, and that they are impressive.



Employees found in breach of this code of conduct will face penalties, including but not limited to, reassignment to quality control of explosive ammunitions.

Two weeks pass, and Jack had almost forgotten about the Valentine’s gift exchange. The project had seen a very slight increase in productivity, and sales from the mandatory Valentines gifts had kickstarted demand. Both surprised and content with the outcome, Jack had left the project to the wayside to focus on more important things.

The morning of February 14th, Jack had found a gold wrapped box on his desk. A note attached and signed by his secretary, assured him that the gift was not an incendiary device. Jack sat back in his chair, lifting his legs up onto his desk, and turned the box over a few times. Jack hadn’t realised he’d been included in the Valentine’s gift exchange, and wondered if he was going to get to strangle someone for the mistake. He tugged roughly at the ribbon until the bow unfurled, and he could lift the box’s lid. A letter was folded atop of the tissue paper inside.

To my valentine, Handsome Jack.

The pre-approved gift list wasn’t very exciting, and I knew you wouldn’t mind a little deviation.

I’m proud of the work I do at Hyperion, and it’s an honour to share a small part of it with the man that inspires me to be here.

Thinking of you warmly,

Your secret admirer.

He hums, reading through the note again. He supposes he got lucky when it wasn’t something traditionally creepy, but sincerity is so unnatural on Helios that it’s both more unexpected and more disarming. His admirer claims to know him, and yet it obviously isn’t someone he’s personally acquainted with. They also seem sure that Jack won’t or can’t punish them for breaking the gift exchange rules. It makes him think that they must be at least a little cocky, despite the tastefulness of the missive. 

Jack carefully lays the note aside on his desk, as if it were something unstable, before rifling through the box. He retrieves a black velvet ring box from the folds of yellow tissue paper. Nestled inside is a pair of gold Hyperion branded cufflinks.

While they were one of the more expensive items on the gift list, Hyperion’s heated cufflinks weren’t a highly desired item. Jack had created them for himself when long days of coding in cool rooms made his fingers stiff and sore. Jack lets the cufflinks roll about in his palm as he contemplates the unexpected disappointment he feels.

The cufflinks begin to warm in his palm, and then suddenly cool off again. Jack wonders if they’re broken when they begin to heat again. They do this a few more times in the several minutes that Jack deliberates if it’s a glitch or intentional. The intervals in which they are warm or cool are never consistent. Jack re-reads the note on his desk.

Thinking of you warmly.

He traces the external signal that’s commanding the cufflinks to heat. As he’d suspected, it’s coming from the level of echonet reserved for cybernetics users.

“That’s cute, pumpkin”. The thought makes Jack chuckle. “Cute, and only a little creepy”. Jack fastens the cufflinks to his shirt sleeves, determined to soak up the admiration being sent him every few minutes on digital thought waves.

He decides that he enjoys the devotion shown in the effort his admirer went to. Not only are they sharing something as intimate as their thoughts, but they would also have had to manually fuck with the coding that makes up part of their own mind. That showed a level of skill and confidence that Jack couldn’t help but find attractive. Knowing that his admirer was also a kindred programmer, and probably had some sexy cybernetics didn’t help.

He sets to tracing the signal back to the individual user. Afterall, even if there had been a rule prohibiting a Valentine from searching for their Secret Admirer, He’s Handsome Jack, he writes the rules.

If his Secret Admirer happens to be a gorgeous dork of a brunette with smarts to spare, then Jack thinks it only fair that he get to do some admiring of his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Meanwhile, Vasquez doesn't get a valentines gift, because Jack didn't even know he was meant to send one. 
> 
> Happy Valentine's everyone, love yall.


End file.
